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Excerpted from the Introduction and Part 4 of Getting to Know the Life Stories of Older Adults: Activities for Building Relationships by Kathy Laurenhue, M.A. Copyright
© 2007 by Health Professions Press. All rights reserved. No part
of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing
from the author. I have written this book with three goals in mind. The first is to build positive relationships and foster understanding as we discover how our life stories are unique and what we have in common. I believe much of the fear and discord in the world today could be overcome if we simply took the time to get to know one another. Thornton Wilder wrote a play many years ago called Our Town, which started me on the road to teaching life story sharing. One of the main characters in the play is the Stage Manager whose role is partly to set the stage for what the audience is about to see. At one point he notes, "This is the way we were; in our growing up and in our marrying and in our living and in our dying." (p. 33) It is a universal story; the action takes place in the early 1900s, but could have easily been a hundred years earlier or later. Yet it is also a unique story. Wilder wanted us to appreciate the individual precious moments that make up our lives. In Act III, Emily, one of the main characters, has died in childbirth and she asks the Stage Manager to be allowed to relive one day in her life-her 12th birthday. As she goes back, she sees everything with new eyes-how wonderfully ordinary and happy the day was, and how oblivious they all were to it. It is too painful, and before breakfast is even eaten, she begs the Stage Manager to let her return to her grave. She says one last tearful good-by: "Good-by, world, Good-by, Grover's Corners, . . . Mama and Papa . . . Good-by to clocks ticking . . . and Mama's sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths . . . and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth, you're too wonderful for anybody to realize you." She turns to the Stage Manager and asks, "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?-every, every minute?" The Stage Manager answers, "No," but after a pause adds: "The saints and poets, maybe-they do some." (p. 108) There are elements of our life stories that we have in common and there are elements that are uniquely ours. It is in sharing both that we build bonds with one another. And it is in realizing the wonder in every moment that we learn to treasure life rather than compromise it. My second goal for this book is to foster self-awareness. It is one thing to lead these exercises, but another to do them yourself. You will be surprised by what you learn about a subject you thought you knew well-who you are. I also hope those who do the exercises with you will have the same awakening. That leads to the third goal. I hope you and those who do these exercises with you will have revitalized self-esteem. Most of us are oblivious to all we've lived through, the character we've shown, the fun we've had, the talents we've exhibited. These exercises can provide reminders. Lastly, my underlying goal is to build your brain power. There is a tendency to dismiss reminiscence as useless chatter about boring bygone days, but these exercises are designed to help you to look at your life experiences in new ways. Every time you make new connections-even to old memories-you are building brain power. Who Should Buy This Book
This book is
intended to give groups of people fun, interesting, and energizing ways
to get to know one another with a minimum amount of preparation and props.
Although my experience has been primarily working with older adults, I hope
it will be used any place that people might benefit from greater understanding
of one another, including: In some places the references are to experiences only older adults are likely to have had-such as the focus on the 1950s-but it would be easy to update the references if your group consists only of young people, and if it is a mixed group, sharing viewpoints will benefit both young and old. I have tried to offer specific ideas for adapting these exercises for people with dementia (see Appendix A). Most people with dementia are likely to be older adults, but you may find useful ideas in those directions for working with people who have developmental disabilities, too. Other ideas work with everyone, in part because the focus is genuine interest in each others' lives. A Word About Terminology Dementia and Alzheimer's Disease: I tend to use these words somewhat interchangeably in this book, even though in reality dementia is a symptom of dozens of diseases and Alzheimer's disease is the most common of those diseases. Often I will refer to specific skill losses common in people with Alzheimer's disease, and more general memory loss in people with dementia. There is tremendous variation among the capabilities of people with mild cognitive impairment, those in the end stages of Alzheimer's disease, and individuals in any stage. Most of my advice is aimed at a middle level. Families: I refer often to families, and although I generally mean either the family in which we grew up or the family of which we were a part after marriage, I am open to a diversity of meanings. Not everyone married and had children; not everyone grew up in or raised a traditional family. Not everyone who once was, still is part of a traditional family. Many people live a large part of their lives alone or with a same-sex roommate or partner. Many of us are as close to certain friends as we ever were to certain family members. Many of us consider coworkers, fellow volunteers or club members, or fellow residents in our care setting part of our family. When you read the word "family" in any of the following exercises, interpret it any way you want. Participants: Because I hope this book will be used by a wide variety of people, young and old, male and female, healthy in mind and body or not, living at home or in a residential care setting, I have tried to use the word "participants" as a generic, all-inclusive term. It may seem a little odd if you are a family caregiver doing these exercises with a parent or spouse, but it is the best I can do with the English language. What This Book Is Not There are hundreds of books about how to write your life story. This book is not one of them. Most people will never get around to putting their stories in print, and, I'm sorry to say, even if they do, their readers will likely be few. This book is not about writing your life story, but about sharing it and learning from others. The goal is not literary, but love-mutual understanding. And fun. Definitely fun. Mini-Exercise I: Heroes and Role Models 1. Tell us
about the people who influenced you. When we think of our best qualities,
we usually owe them to someone we admire or admired. Who were your heroes
and role models when you were growing up? Give participants a chance to think about their answers and talk about what they gained from these people. 2. Tell us about your present heroes. Most of us learned over time that the people we admired had flaws. In some cases that was a bitter disappointment; in other cases it simply meant it was okay to be human. Think about who your heroes are now.
3. Heroes as dinner partners. In the 1970s Steve Allen produced a series of television programs called "Meeting of Minds" in which he imagined the dinner conversation among a disparate group of famous historical figures. For example, shows #5 and #6 featured Charles Darwin, Emily Dickinson, Galileo Galilei, and Attila the Hun. If you could have dinner with anyone you wanted from the present day or history, who would you choose and why?
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